4 Keys to Building a Happy Family

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By Jeannie Kim

Every mom wants to create and nurture a happy family. But if your own childhood wasn't so sunny, how do you know what that looks like? And even if you had a blissful upbringing, it's not always easy to define what, exactly, made your family life joyful. Was it the silly games you played on road trips, or the freedom you had to roam in and out of your neighbors' yards? Was it that you had good fortune never to experience a major tragedy, or was it that you had a close-knit clan that pulled together to support one another no matter what? Most of all, how can you make sure that the family you have now will be happy for the long haul?

The truth is, happy families have cranky kids, messy houses, and money struggles, just like everyone else. But underneath it all, they have a core of contentment that sustains them through all of life's ups and downs. "Being happy as a family is something deeper than simply having fun together or feeling the immediate euphoria of a joyful event like opening presents on Christmas morning," explains REDBOOK Love Network expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of the new book The Secrets of Happy Families. "A happy family is a family that has a deep sense of meaning and purpose in their lives." When you have that, he adds, the lows feel more manageable, because you can put them into perspective — and the highs are more memorable. Here, your keys to building a family life that will make your guy, your kids, and you truly happy.

1. Happy families...know who they are.

When your family agrees on its core values — and consistently lives by those standards — you'll build a stronger family identity and reduce conflict.

Certain values fall into place naturally; if you're married, you and your husband probably committed to each other in the first place because of values that both of you share. However, Haltzman insists on not simply letting your values evolve on their own, but rather deliberately shaping and naming your core principles. "Defining your values together cannot only reinforce a lot of the qualities that brought you together, but it can also help steer you in times when you feel conflicted," he says. Knowing that you prioritize new experiences, for example, you might decide to pull the kids out of school for a special family trip, while another family who values education over everything else would never consider scheduling a vacation during the school year.

Although the grown-ups in the house should drive the discussion, children can also play a part in framing your family's ideals. When Kerry Woodcock, 37, of Calgary, Alberta, and her husband discussed defining their values a few years ago, they asked their children (now ages 8, 7, and 3) about their favorite family moments to gauge which mores were important to them. Their son's love of the family's nightly gratitude ritual (when everyone shares their best moments of the day) has helped them define gratitude as a key value.

2. Happy families...lean on others.

As an Army wife, Hillari Bashioum, 42, of Lawton, OK, has spent her entire married life relying on other military families. "My family enjoys the support and guidance of other families who are going through all the things we have, like deployments and separation for assignments," says Bashioum, mother of four kids, ages 6 to 21. "And pulling together to help other families brings our family closer."

No family thrives in a bubble — your extended relatives, friends, neighbors, and other networks are crucial to your happiness. "Other families expose kids to new ideas and lifestyles and give them a broader view of their roles in their own family as well as in their community," Haltzman says.

"Spending time with our extended family is a big deal for us," says Gita Saini, 39, a mom of two, ages 5 and 8, in Orange County, CA, who has two sisters-in-law living close by. "The kids see our values, such as education and helping family, within our extended family, so those values are reinforced even more," she says.

If you don't have a built-in network, Haltzman suggests creating your own support system through volunteering, joining the PTA or a book club, participating in religious services, or simply reaching out to your neighbors. Alison Miller, 38, a mother of two in Chicago, has been getting together with eight other families in her neighborhood every Friday for the last seven years. The get-togethers started out as a playgroup for the moms and their first babies and evolved into a weekly dinner party that includes their husbands and 16 children. "We have formed an unlikely and remarkable community," Miller says. "I know that I can always count on these women for anything I need."

3. Happy families...bounce back.

Truly happy families have the resiliency to face life's challenges and stay strong. "Going through difficult times can actually make you feel more connected as a family," Haltzman says. But what can you do to maximize your family's ability to absorb big blows? Emphasizing the positive has helped the Jackson family find happiness despite debilitating illness. Sue Jackson, 43, was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome in 2002 — and her two sons, then 6 and 10, were diagnosed with the same disorder just a few years later. The Jacksons learned to adjust to their "new normal" and are now closer than ever. "Even during our worst times of illness, we remind our boys how fortunate we are to have each other," says Jackson, who lives in Wilmington, DE. "We try to find joy in everyday life by celebrating often, even small things."

Strong routines and rituals also help families regain their equilibrium when calamity strikes. When Edie McRae and her family lost their home in New Orleans to Hurricane Katrina, they relocated to Houston. The McRaes had to build a new life for themselves and their two sons, then ages 2 and 3. "We enrolled our oldest in preschool right away; having new friends lessened his worry," says McRae, 33. "And we got back to our nightly story time and weekend movies as quickly as possible. I realized that the boys craved those things because it helped them feel like they were home."

4. Happy families...breathe.

Families do better when they have plenty of laid-back time together. Whether you're going for a walk, playing Rock Band, making cookies, or just hanging out, the best way to build happy family connections is simply to enjoy one another spontaneously. "You can spend your life defining your goals, setting your values, and putting all the right things into place," Haltzman says, "but you also have to take a step back and live a little."

Haltzman suggests setting aside time for unstructured fun. "I plan ahead for family time; otherwise it's too easy to get caught up in everything else," says Kat Henderson, 38, from Wilmington, NC. "It's not about what we do but just that we're together." That's why her schedule leaves plenty of room for lazy days at home. "And every evening after dinner, we go for a walk or play outside," Henderson says. "The dishes get done later."

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How Anyone Can Become a Good Public Speaker

 by Jim Moore

What qualities are needed to be a public speaker? I have observed the following attributes common to most successful speakers:

• Confident
• Organized
• Outgoing
• Engaging
• Flexible
• Unflappable
• Light-hearted
• Gracious

Here are some of the tips I shared with speakers I’ve coached over the years:
To begin with, do not for a moment think you cannot give a speech. You give speeches every day to your family, friends, colleagues, and, yes, even to strangers. Your daily conversations are nothing more than mini-speeches in casual clothes. If you can talk to one person, you can talk to an audience of thousands. Really.
When you are speaking to a large crowd, you are still talking to one person at a time, just as if you were chatting to the cashier at the food store or a fellow passenger on a plane. Whether the topic is the weather or a description of a favorite camping trip or an answer to the airborne time-passing question, “What do you do?” you are giving an abbreviated speech, complete with a beginning, a middle, and an end.
You may have given an “elevator” speech—a short (usually no longer than 30 seconds) statement of purpose or plans to a colleague, boss, or client that conveys key information in a few moments to a captive audience while in transit. Or you may have delivered a “cocktail” party speech (assuming cocktail parties are still in vogue), which is really nothing more than a three-minute burst of information sufficient to enlighten, but short enough to stay within the attention span of an easily-distracted listener. In both instances, sans podium, you have already given many speeches. Now, wasn’t that easy?
Okay, maybe not so easy when you envision a conference room filled with people whose attention is focused on you, up there on that stage, and you wonder in sleepless nights leading up to the big day, “How in the world did I get myself into this?”
So let’s start with some preparation:
1. Know your audience. I cannot stress this enough with my clients or employers for whom I have written or coached. You don’t have to have expert knowledge of the audience, but you should know enough to reference their interests, or mission, or leadership, if, for example, you’re speaking to a trade association. You should have some audience-centric remarks that show you are not just showing up to speak, but that you actually considered the audience’s perspective. There is nothing wrong with calling your host and asking questions about the group. You might learn about an important member of the organization who will be in the audience and can be singled out for podium praise; perhaps there is a charity that has benefited from the group’s work—always a good point to mention. The bottom line: Do your homework!
2. Keep your remarks brief and to the point. In speech writing, we have a mantra:

• Tell them what you are going to say;
• Say it;
• Tell them what you told them;
• Say thank you and sit down.

3. Do not attempt humor unless you are, a) a noted humorist, b) an experienced toastmaster or, c) well-acquainted with the humor that will make your audience laugh and not wince. Poking a bit of fun at yourself is fine; sharing a light moment with the audience is good; just keep in mind that pulling off a comedy shtick, even a single joke, is a lot harder than it looks when coming from an experienced speaker.
4. Keep your sentences short, your words shorter. This simply means you should not tax your audience by forcing them to follow a long, convoluted sentence, or interpret a fancy, but unnecessarily long word. Apply the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Short.
5. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. The more you rehearse, the less likely you are to shuffle your notes, look down at your speech, stumble on key phrases, or “um and ahh” as you try to recall the order of your words. Some people rehearse in front of a mirror, some go over their speeches with a spouse or friends, some record their speech and play it back over and over. You don’t have to memorize your remarks, but you should know them well enough to just glance at your notes or papers. Whatever works for you, do it.
Once you know your audience and know your remarks, and you’re about to step up to the podium, consider these points:

• The audience is actually rooting for you to succeed; the fear of public speaking is second only to the fear of death, and most people, when faced with a microphone and a crowd, usually wish they were dead. No one in the audience wants to take your place. So, you have lots of company in front of you.
• Take a deep breath and don’t push yourself; take your time, organize your thoughts. A good speech is not a sprint or even a marathon; it should be a pleasant, calming walk—for you and for the audience.
• The podium is not a crutch; don’t cling to the sides of the podium as if you are on a stormed-tossed ship. Use the podium as a base of operations, staying in touch with it, but giving yourself some room for movement. Think of “one hand on the wheel” as a way to keep from becoming a rigid speaker.
• Give your audience—and yourself—a break from time to time. You needn’t give all your speech all at once. Think of how you normally converse at a small party; there is a natural give and take, pauses in thoughts, breaks for breathing. The same applies when giving a speech. Build in a few quiet moments in your speech, places where you can step back for a few seconds to give yourself and the audience a moment to contemplate what you just said, and to regroup for the next part.
• The “eyes” have it. The old rule about looking over the heads of the audience to avoid eye contact is rubbish. It only makes you look aloof and disengaged. Before you start speaking, find a few faces in the crowd that you can cycle through as you speak. Return to each one as the speech progresses—only a glance is needed.
• Be gracious. At the end of your speech, be sure to thank the audience, the host, and the organization.

There are many more tips and strategies for speech makers and speechwriters, but if you apply these tips to your next speech, you will have a foundation for a more enjoyable podium presence. Good luck!

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The Rules for Job Interview Success

      

    The tips for a successful job interview. These rules and tips will help job-seekers to maximize potential employment opportunities… and receive job offers you deserve.

1. Speak clearly and enthusiastically about your experiences and skills. Be professional, but don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through. Be yourself. Don’t be afraid of short pauses. You may need a few seconds to formulate an answer. (Learn how to better answer interview questions by using our Job Interview Database.)
2. Be positive. Employers do not want to hear a litany of excuses or bad feelings about a negative experience. If you are asked about a low grade, a sudden job change, or a weakness in your background, don’t be defensive. Focus instead on the facts (briefly) and emphasize what you learned from the experience.
3. Be prepared to market your skills and experiences as they relate to the job described. Work at positioning yourself in the mind of the employer as a person with a particular set of skills and attributes. Employers have problems that need to be solved by employees with particular skills; work to describe your qualifications appropriately.
4. Research information about the company before the interview. Some important information to look for includes what activities are carried out by the employer, how financially stable the employer is, and what types of jobs exist with the employer. Researching an employer during the job search can help determine more about that organization and your potential place in it. Know how you can help the company and prepare questions to ask the interviewer about the company.
5. Arrive early for the interview. Plan to arrive for your interview 10-15 minutes before the appointed time. Arriving too early confuses the employer and creates an awkward situation. By the same token, arriving late creates a bad first impression and may doom your chances. Ask for directions when making arrangements for the interview.
6. Carry a portfolio, notepad or at the very least, a manila file folder labeled with the employer’s name.
7. Bring extra resumes and a list of questions you need answered. You may refer to your list of questions to be sure you’ve gathered the information you need to make a decision. Do not be preoccupied with taking notes during the interview.
8. In many career fields, the lunch or dinner included during the interview day encompasses not only employer hospitality, but also a significant part of the interview process. Brush up on your etiquette and carry your share of the conversation during the meal. Often social skills are part of the hiring decision.
9. After the interview, take time to write down the names and titles (check spelling) of all your interviewers, your impressions, remaining questions and information learned. If you are interviewing regularly, this process will help you keep employers and circumstances clearly defined.
10. Follow up the interview with a thank-you letter. Employers regard this gesture as evidence of your attention to detail, as well as an indication of your interest in the position.

 

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Many Ways To Be Sensationally Successful At Your First Job

         


  Your first day at a new job can either be the first day of the rest of your life… or the first of a series of endless “Groundhog Day” experiences, where every day feels the same and your new job quickly seems just like the old job.
To make sure that doesn't happen, here are ten things to do differently and help you stand-out:
            1. Behave as if you’re still being interviewed.
Once you’re hired it’s natural to feel a sense of accomplishment. It’s easy to assume you belong.
After all, they hired you, right? You’re awesome! And the company is brilliant for having recognized your awesomeness. High five!
Not so fast. Sure, you got hired, and in fact you may be awesome, but you haven’t actually done anything for your new company yet. All you've really shown is that you can get the great new gig.
Now you need to prove you deserve it.
Think of your first thirty to ninety days as an extended interview. Show up every day thinking you need to prove you deserved to be hired. You'll work harder, work smarter, won’t take anything for granted… and in short order you will prove you belong.
          2. See your manager as a person you help, not a person who tells you what to do.
Yes, in theory, your manager gets to tell you what to do. In practice, that's probably not why she hired you.
Here’s a better approach: Your manager has things she needs to get done. See your job as helping her get those things done. The more you help her achieve her goals and targets the more highly you will be valued.
Plus you’ll find it’s a lot easier to work hard when you feel you’re helping someone instead of obeying them. And you’ll enjoy your work more too – it’s a lot more fun and an infinitely more rewarding to help than to comply.
         3. Build relationships based on performance, not conversation.
Great companies with great cultures welcome new employees to the fold. Other employees go out of their way to meet and get to know you.
That’s awesome, but work still involves work, not just conversation. Be nice, be friendly, be yourself – but always remember that the best working relationships are based on respect and trust, and respect and trust are based on actions and performance, not just on words.
Prove yourself. Pitch in. Help out. Follow through. Meet every commitment. Earn the respect and trust of others and you will build truly great professional relationships.
And you’ll build some great friendships, too.
          4. Go the extra mile early – and often.
Early on you probably don’t have all the skills you need. You probably don’t have all the experience. You probably don’t have all the contacts and connections.
But you can have the willingness to work extremely hard.
Work hard and everyone around you will forgive a certain lack of skill and experience. They’ll know you’re trying – and sometimes, at least for a while, that’s all that matters.
          5. Spot the high performers and mimic them.
Every organization is different, which means the key attributes of top performers in those organizations are different, too.
Maybe the top performers work more – or different – hours. Maybe relationship building is more important than transactional selling. Maybe flexibility is more important than methodology.
Pick out the top performers and study them. Figure out what makes them tick. How they approach problems. How they make decisions. There’s no need to reinvent the high performance wheel; save that for when you are a top performer and want to go an even higher level.
            6. Think three moves ahead.
Great chess players think many moves ahead. The current move builds a base for future moves.
You can do the same at work. Think about where a task might lead you. Think about how you can leverage your current responsibilities. Think about what skills you can learn, visibility you can gain, connections you can build… every task, every project, and every job can lead to a number of great possibilities.
Think of your current duties as one piece in a puzzle, a puzzle that you get to put together and ultimately build.
             7. Find a way to stand out.
We have remarkable employees at HubSpot. We feel they have a super-power that makes them stand out in some way. Maybe they’re remarkably smart, or remarkably creative, or remarkably resourceful, or remarkably successful... each of our employees stands out in some special and unique way.
Work hard to be known for something specific. Be known for responding more quickly or following up first or always offering to help before you’re asked. Be the leader known for turning around struggling employees or creating the biggest pool of promotable talent or building bridges between different departments.
Pick a worthwhile mission – one that truly benefits the company and other employees – and work to excel at that mission. Then you’ll stand out in the best possible way.
           8. Create your own project.
Succeeding and even excelling at the projects you’re assigned is expected. Excelling at a project you create yourself is exceptional.
The key is to take personal risk with a new project (while making sure the company and your colleagues shoulder most of the risk).
For example, we had a member of our sales team believe passionately in building a partner channel. It wasn't an area that anyone on the exec team was particularly excited about. But, he did it anyway. He did it on his own time, working late, trying different things… and ultimately figured it out. He is now running one of the fastest growing and productive teams in the company. He has also helped create the model for how experiments are run and managed at HubSpot.
I know what you’re thinking: “Wait. He did it on his own time?” Yes, he did. He decided to prove himself. If he had failed, there was little cost to the company so really there was nothing to lose.
But for him – and the company – there was a lot to possibly be gained.
You don’t have to wait to be asked. You don’t have to wait to be assigned. Pick a side project where, if you fail, there’s no harm and no foul, and take your shot. You never know how it will turn out… and what it will do for your career.
           9. Find people to help.
You’re new. People are supposed to help you, right?
Right. And wrong.
You can start helping people now. If you see someone struggling and you don’t know what to do, say, “I’m new so you may have to tell me what to do… but I would love to help you.” If you’re in a meeting and someone else was assigned a seemingly overwhelming project, stop by later and ask if you can help. Even if you’re not taken up on it, the offer will likely be appreciated.
Or volunteer to help in an area you’d like to know more about. Work in sales? You could volunteer to help your marketing team create a new piece of content. Work in marketing? You could help your engineering team do some user testing on a new product.
Just make sure you don’t become the guy who helps others but doesn't get his own stuff done.
No one likes that guy.
          10. Never forget why you were hired.
Yes, you want to learn and grow. Yes, you want to build a career. Yes, you want to feel happy and fulfilled.
And yes, you were hired to help advance the goals and mission of the company.
It’s possible to fulfill your goals and the company’s goals. Make sure you do. That way you and the company win – and isn't that what the employer/employee relationship should be all about?

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The Ways You Want To Be A Better Public Speaker?

Do you dread public speaking? Join the club. Along with death and spiders, it’s what people fear most. However, being an effective presenter is critical for anyone who is (or aspires to be) in a leadership position. In fact, certain presentations can be downright career defining.

Instead of leaving your speaking success to chance, take some cues from the pros.

1. Begin with the end in mind.  Before you start working on your script or presentation, get clear on its purpose. What are you trying to accomplish? What impact do you want to have on your audience? Are you looking to inform? Inspire? Persuade? Knowing your ultimate purpose and desired outcome will help you stay focused through the preparation process.
2. Simplify your messages.  You are where you are because of the depth and breadth of your expertise. Your natural inclination will be to impart lots of that knowledge onto your audience. Resist it! Otherwise, you’ll bore and overwhelm your listeners with details they’ll never retain. Focus on conveying a few powerful ideas that they’ll remember. Think of yourself as Master Distiller of Information – boil it down and go from there.
3. Avoid the perils of Power point.  It’s called “death by Power point” for a reason. Those “eye charts” crammed with words in 8-point type are dreaded by audiences everywhere. Lose them! Your job is to hold the attention in the room. All eyes should be on you, not the screen. If you use slides, make them impactful and use them sparingly. They should be simple, compelling and graphically appealing.  Also remember that when you’re reliant on slides, you run the risk of a technology problem and a presentation disaster. By reducing or eliminating slides, you minimize risk.

4. Connect with your audience.  One mistake speakers often make is trying to prove they’re smart. Remember that you’re at the podium for a reason. Your credentials speak for themselves. When you stand in front of an audience, there is already a gap — you’re the expert, they’re not. By trying to impress your audience with your intellect, you create more distance and could come across as arrogant. Your job is to close the gap, not widen it. By being self-effacing, humorous and real, you become approachable and it’s easier to win over your audience. In turn, the more connected the audience feels to you, the more they’ll pay attention to what you have to say.
5. Tell personal stories. Storytelling puts an audience at ease, humanizes you as a speaker, and makes your messages more memorable. It is the most powerful tool in a speaker’s toolkit.  To find your stories, you simply have to mine your own life experiences and pull out the gems. Audiences will remember your stories more easily than facts and figures, and they’re more likely to enjoy your presentation. Another benefit is that personal stories are easier for you to remember when you’re at the podium.
6. Prepare and practice.  If you’re giving a high-stakes presentation, don’t leave anything to chance. “Off the Cuff” and “Winging It” are high-risk strategies and very few people can pull it off. Have a very clear roadmap of what you’re going to say, and rehearse.  If you want to ad-lib a couple of stories, that’s fine, but be sure you know the key points so you don’t meander. Having your material down cold will enable you to have more fun with your audience and avoid the nervousness associated with being not quite ready.
7. Watch yourself.  Few tools are as instructive as video playback. People can tell you that you wander the stage, over-gesture, slouch, have an incessantly grim facial expression or use a repetitive speech pattern, but once you see it on tape, it will be much easier for you to grasp and change. If you prefer to rehearse in private, use your iPad or hand-held device’s video feature. Stand in front of it and let it roll!
8. Avoid sameness.  It is said that sameness is the enemy of speaking. If you follow the same cadence, vocal rhythm, pitch, tone and gesture patterns throughout your presentation, your audience will tune you out. Think about what puts a baby to sleep. You need to change it up; keep enough variety in your delivery so it holds the audience’s interest.
9. Message your body.  Remember that 90+% of communication is nonverbal. Your audience will read your facial expressions, the tone of your voice, the way you use your hands, how you stand and move. A warm, easy smile and calm body immediately tell the audience that you’re comfortable and confident. And when the speaker is comfortable, the audience is, too. The opposite is also true.
10. Let your passion show.  There is no substitute for authentic passion at the podium. When you believe in your message and have energy around your topic, it will translate to your audience.  Above all else, be yourself up there!
11. De-risk the logistics.  Take some extra steps beforehand to ensure a smooth experience.
1. If you’re vertically challenged, make sure there’s a step riser behind the podium so you’re not struggling to be seen or to reach the microphone.
2. If you’re being introduced by someone else, send them your own brief intro in advance with phonetic spelling of any complicated words (ethnic last names,   ex).
3. If you’ve been given a specific times lot for your presentation, make sure you know who’s before you and who follows you, and clarify when you will get “wired for sound.” And be sure to speak within the time parameters you’ve been given.
4. If you’re using slides, bring a second set on a thumb drive in case there’s an issue with the original file, and try to get into the room ahead of time to get comfortable with the clicker, pointer and other gadgets.

The goal is that once you step on stage, everything goes like clockwork. Of course, having a coach to help you master these techniques can pay dividends down the road. By taking steps to elevate your presentation game, you’ll begin to overcome the all-too-common fear of public speaking while positioning yourself to be a more effective, more successful leader.

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Many ways to success for English speakers

What does it take to learn English successfully? There some common qualities such as diligence and a positive attitude that will help you learn any subject, however when learning a language, there are some more specific tips that will help you reach your goals. Here are our ten secrets to success to help you reach your goals in English.

Break it down then build it up

To speak English well, you need to be able to do several things at the same time: know (and choose) suitable vocabulary, use the right grammar and sentence patterns, and produce the correct sounds, stress patterns, rhythm and intonation. Work on these individual elements separately then practise putting them together to make your speech more accurate and fluent.

Learn to interact

A conversation is an interaction with another person, and involves listening as well as talking. Check that the other person is following, by using conversation strategies like emphasizing key words, rephrasing, or using expressions like ‘You know what I mean?’ or ‘Don’t you agree?’ Give the other person a chance to speak and use their answers and to help you think about what to say next.

Use your body

Non-verbal communication is very important for effective speaking, even for native English speakers. Use gestures, body language and facial expressions for explanation or emphasis, and try to read what the other person’s body language is saying. Think about your posture, too – the way you stand or sit can make the difference between seeming bored or interested in what your conversation partner is saying.

Sing a song!

Music is a great way to improve your speaking skills, practice the rhythm of the language and learn some useful expressions. Look up the lyrics (song words) to your favorite songs on the Internet, and then practicing singing aloud. If you’re shy, sing at home alone. If you’re more outgoing, get together with some friends and do a bit of English karaoke.

Be brave

You need the right attitude to improve your English. Look for every opportunity to practice speaking, like talking to people at parties, approaching a foreigner who looks lost, or just putting up your hand when your teacher asks a question. Remember, every mistake is an opportunity to learn, so don’t be afraid of making some slips from time to time.

Think in English

This is a great way to improve your spoken English, and you can do it anywhere, anytime. At home, you can talk to yourself while doing everyday tasks like preparing a meal. If you are on the train or bus, then describe the people around you (in your head, not aloud!), and when you go to sleep, go over the day’s events in English.

Record yourself speaking

Even though you might not like hearing your own voice, this is a very useful way to find out what’s wrong with your spoken English. Record yourself speaking and then listen to the tape, or ask a native speaker for some advice. Look for positive things, too. Make a note of all the things you do well when you speak English. If you are ever feeling unmotivated, look at the things you do well to feel great about speaking English again.

Keep a speaking journal

Record your thoughts in English before you go to sleep at night. You can play the tape at the end of the year to look back on important events, as well as monitor your English progress. If you can’t keep a speaking journal, write it instead. Make a note of all the conversations you had in English along with aspects you did well and things you could improve on. Use this to track your progress throughout the year and set yourself new goals.

Take extra classes

If you feel you need extra practice and want to interact with other English learners, why not join a language class? There are plenty of language schools around, or even online courses. Don’t think you can learn to speak on the Internet?

Find English-speaking friends

If you are really serious about becoming a good English speaker, you need to meet people you can speak to in English. This does NOT only mean native-speakers, though. English is spoken by many more people as a second language than as a native language, and being able to understand different accents is very important. Start an English coffee club with your friends where you meet and have a chat in English. You can help each other and have fun practicing  together .Give each of these tips a try for a week and see which works best for you or, even better, share them with a friend and work on them together.

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Speaking Rules you need to Improve English Speaking!

 

Speaking Rules you need to Improve English Speaking Are:

1. Don't study grammar too much

This rule might sound strange to many ESL students, but it is one of the most important rules. If you want to pass examinations, then study grammar. However, if you want to become fluent in English, then you should try to learn English without studying the grammar.

Studying grammar will only slow you down and confuse you. You will think about the rules when creating sentences instead of naturally saying a sentence like a native. Remember that only a small fraction of English speakers know more than 20% of all the grammar rules. Many ESL students know more grammar than native speakers. I can confidently say this with experience. I am a native English speaker, majored in English Literature, and have been teaching English for more than 10 years. However, many of my students know more details about English grammar than I do. I can easily look up the definition and apply it, but I don't know it off the top of my head.

I often ask my native English friends some grammar questions, and only a few of them know the correct answer. However, they are fluent in English and can read, speak, listen, and communicate effectively.

Do you want to be able to recite the definition of a causative verb, or do you want to be able to speak English fluently?

2. Learn and study phrases

Many students learn vocabulary and try to put many words together to create a proper sentence. It amazes me how many words some of my students know, but they cannot create a proper sentence. The reason is because they didn't study phrases. When children learn a language, they learn both words and phrases together. Likewise, you need to study and learn phrases.

If you know 1000 words, you might not be able to say one correct sentence. But if you know 1 phrase, you can make hundreds of correct sentences. If you know 100 phrases, you will be surprised at how many correct sentences you will be able to say. Finally, when you know only a 1000 phrases, you will be almost a fluent English speaker.

The English Speaking Basics section is a great example of making numerous sentences with a single phrase. So don't spend hours and hours learning many different words. Use that time to study phrases instead and you will be closer to English fluency.

Don't translate

When you want to create an English sentence, do not translate the words from your Mother tongue. The order of words is probably completely different and you will be both slow and incorrect by doing this. Instead, learn phrases and sentences so you don't have to think about the words you are saying. It should be automatic.

Another problem with translating is that you will be trying to incorporate grammar rules that you have learned. Translating and thinking about the grammar to create English sentences is incorrect and should be avoided.

3. Practice Speaking what you hear!

Reading, listening, and speaking are the most important aspects of any language. The same is true for English. However, speaking is the only requirement to be fluent. It is normal for babies and children to learn speaking first, become fluent, then start reading, then writing. So the natural order is listening, speaking, reading, then writing.

Problem 1
Isn't it strange that schools across the world teach reading first, then writing, then listening, and finally speaking? Although it is different, the main reason is because when you learn a second language, you need to read material to understand and learn it. So even though the natural order is listening, speaking, reading, then writing, the order for ESL students is reading, listening, speaking, then writing.

Problem 2
The reason many people can read and listen is because that's all they practice. But in order to speak English fluently, you need to practice speaking. Don't stop at the listening portion, and when you study, don't just listen. Speak out loud the material you are listening to and practice what you hear. Practice speaking out loud until your mouth and brain can do it without any effort. By doing so, you will be able to speak English fluently.

4. Submerge yourself

Being able to speak a language is not related to how smart you are. Anyone can learn how to speak any language. This is a proven fact by everyone in the world. Everyone can speak at least one language. Whether you are intelligent, or lacking some brain power, you are able to speak one language.

This was achieved by being around that language at all times. In your country, you hear and speak your language constantly. You will notice that many people who are good English speakers are the ones who studied in an English speaking school. They can speak English not because they went to an English speaking school, but because they had an environment where they can be around English speaking people constantly.

There are also some people who study abroad and learn very little. That is because they went to an English speaking school, but found friends from their own country and didn't practice English.

You don't have to go anywhere to become a fluent English speaker. You only need to surround yourself with English. You can do this by making rules with your existing friends that you will only speak English. You can also carry around an iPod and constantly listen to English sentences. As you can see, you can achieve results by changing what your surroundings are. Submerge yourself in English and you will learn several times faster.

Talk English Offline Version is now ready for download.  In this package, you can utilize over 8000 audio files to completely surround yourself in English.  There are over 13.5 hours of audio files that are not available in the web form.  All conversations and all sentences are included, so even if you don't have many English speaking friends, you can constantly surround yourself in English using your MP3 player.  This package is available at the English Download page.  Take advantage of this opportunity and start learning English faster.  Click on the link or go to

5. Study correct material

A common phrase that is incorrect is, "Practice makes perfect." This is far from the truth. Practice only makes what you are practicing permanent. If you practice the incorrect sentence, you will have perfected saying the sentence incorrectly. Therefore, it is important that you study material that is commonly used by most people.

Another problem I see is that many students study the news. However, the language they speak is more formal and the content they use is more political and not used in regular life. It is important to understand what they are saying, but this is more of an advanced lesson that should be studied after learning the fundamental basics of English.

Studying English with a friend who is not a native English speaker is both good and bad. You should be aware of the pros and cons of speaking with a non native speaking friend. Practicing with a non native person will give you practice. You can also motivate each other and point out basic mistakes. But you might pick up bad habits from one another if you are not sure about what are correct and incorrect sentences. So use these practice times as a time period to practice the correct material you studied. Not to learn how to say a sentence.
In short, study English material that you can trust, that is commonly used, and that is correct.

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